I have some photos and videos from Utah. As expected, being there was like albuterol during an asthma attack. I will upload them. It was lovely. I did blow a tire on the way home (west of Glenwood), which was a bit of an inconvenience. But I'm a girl who can change her own tire, even if I have a husband to whom I call and whine about it.
I have some photos of me getting my Nightingale nomination, too. That was a lot of fun, and deeply cool.
We had a blizzard this week. It's a technical term, blizzard, something about speed of the wind and amount of snow. We got 26 inches of it piled onto our deck.
Sorry I don't write much. It's weird to have other people be aware of your own mental dialogue. Especially when you know full well there's not a damn interesting thing going on in your head. But this was the plan all along...to blog this in case other people wanted to know what's goin on. And possibly for other adults considering this surgery.
I have some photos of me getting my Nightingale nomination, too. That was a lot of fun, and deeply cool.
We had a blizzard this week. It's a technical term, blizzard, something about speed of the wind and amount of snow. We got 26 inches of it piled onto our deck.
Sorry I don't write much. It's weird to have other people be aware of your own mental dialogue. Especially when you know full well there's not a damn interesting thing going on in your head. But this was the plan all along...to blog this in case other people wanted to know what's goin on. And possibly for other adults considering this surgery.
 | Been optimistic and looking forward to surgery this week. Optimism is cool. I can see why people like it. Trying not to be too distracted by the fact that I have almost no new work projects going on. And I'm still transitioning finer points of stuff only I do in clinic over to my nurse partners in crime. They're going to be fine. It is all going to be fine. I work with really good people. |
The email announcement that I'm going on FMLA goes out next week. The nurse we interviewed and loved didn't take the job because of the long commute for her...but Sam will get an agency nurse who can just do prior auths all day while Denise and Kate do the more interesting things.
I have to remember that the time, once surgery is done, will actually fly by. And I'll be back before before they know it. And being home, it's not like I'll feel like I've had any sort of "vacation." I've taken a few things home from my desk, but it's still mine and I'm coming back.
I say all that now, with a lot less need to point out "...unless they put rebar through my myocardium." Because she won't. And my squooshy lung fields are going to be fine, too. Probably she'll crack some ribs. I can hope that won't happen. But ...I've got a pretty high tolerance for pain and a pretty low desire for narcotics. I didn't like them when I chopped my left fingertip off, and I didn't like them when I picked the fight with the Pontiac. I'm ornery. If I didn't come back to work without something to grouse about, people would wonder what's wrong with me.
I have to remember that the time, once surgery is done, will actually fly by. And I'll be back before before they know it. And being home, it's not like I'll feel like I've had any sort of "vacation." I've taken a few things home from my desk, but it's still mine and I'm coming back.
I say all that now, with a lot less need to point out "...unless they put rebar through my myocardium." Because she won't. And my squooshy lung fields are going to be fine, too. Probably she'll crack some ribs. I can hope that won't happen. But ...I've got a pretty high tolerance for pain and a pretty low desire for narcotics. I didn't like them when I chopped my left fingertip off, and I didn't like them when I picked the fight with the Pontiac. I'm ornery. If I didn't come back to work without something to grouse about, people would wonder what's wrong with me.
They're going to fix me in Phoenix. At least, this is the idea. And once they fix me, I want to know why it got fixed. Because of the twist in my sternum, I'm not getting pressure on my right ventricle. But it feels like pressure. And yes, subideal that my left lower lobe is smushed, but when I climb up a canyon, the problem FEELS at least in part like it's cardiac. Maybe it isn't the right ventricle, maybe because of the twist it's pushing on my ascending aorta or pulmonary artery or some damn thing. I cannot prove where the problem is. But once she sticks that camera into my chest cavity, she should be able to see what, exactly, is being squashed in there.
Almost everything is done. Haven't paid the catsitter yet, but I've booked her. Haven't called to get the FMLA paperwork in my hands yet, because they want to give me that after I leave. But it shouldn't be difficult for me to get that into my hands next week.
Almost everything is done. Haven't paid the catsitter yet, but I've booked her. Haven't called to get the FMLA paperwork in my hands yet, because they want to give me that after I leave. But it shouldn't be difficult for me to get that into my hands next week.
My mother wants to discuss what she's going to be cooking for my family when they come out after surgery. Actually, what she said is she wants to know "what I have" in my kitchen because she's already planned the menu(s). In other words, my mother forgets I'm a 44 year old married woman with too many dishes and pots and pans...she still remembers a time when I was 22 and had a wok and two bowls. (As if there is ANYTHING wrong with owning nothing in your kitchen except a wok and two bowls.) (Mark asked me a few weeks ago if I would replace our chipped plates...you know, because we have two sets of dishes, sets we each had before we married...which weirdly, sort of match.) (I haven't done it yet. I think I would rather they chip and eventually break, and by the time Chase is out of the house we can go back to a wok and two bowls.) (And a crock pot.) (And, okay, the wine glasses. But that's it.)
 | Anyway. I'm rolling with my mother planning menus. I appreciate that she wants to cook. Because I won't want to. It gives her control when she has none. She has spoken to me in relatively short conversations on Sundays. I think she's afraid she's going to let on how hard this is on her. She's retired as of January 1 this year. And instead of bounding into her new lease on life, I think she's home, paralyzed with worry, sometimes. I hope I'm wrong. Because I really hate to think about that. Dad is fine. He worries about my car in blizzards, because that's what fathers worry about and this worry reassures their daughters that things are normal in the world. My in laws have been wonderful, too. It's nice to have a cheering section. |
Saw Bex last Saturday. She came over and we tasted wine all day. We tasted our way through two bottles of chard and two bottles of port. She's going to be doing a nursing certification course the week I leave, and then she comes home briefly, and then flies out to the Pac Northwest the week I return. She didn't know the date I was headed out and it is totally fine. I'll need her much more after my mom and dad go home, I think. To get out of the house.
Mark has been really good with putting up with me. My mood swings and worries about the surgery (because there are no mood swings or worries about anything else) in the past few weeks have been mostly nonverbal. (Okay there were a few days I went completely postal in there over some ....scheduling issues regarding Chase, but that was never directed at him.) (Or Chase.) Mark goes off and does his own thing when I avoid him, and he stays when I sit with him. He doesn't ask why. Which I appreciate.
Mark has been really good with putting up with me. My mood swings and worries about the surgery (because there are no mood swings or worries about anything else) in the past few weeks have been mostly nonverbal. (Okay there were a few days I went completely postal in there over some ....scheduling issues regarding Chase, but that was never directed at him.) (Or Chase.) Mark goes off and does his own thing when I avoid him, and he stays when I sit with him. He doesn't ask why. Which I appreciate.
Tomorrow I count down to 26. And I think it's gonna be good.
